From Hurt to Healing: Compassion Over Expectation

“Through cultivating attitudes of friendliness toward the happy, compassion for the suffering, joy for the virtuous, and equanimity toward the non-virtuous, the mind retains its undisturbed calm.”

Yoga Sutra 1.233

“One who is equal to friends and enemies, and remains balanced in honor and dishonor, in heat and cold, in pleasure and pain… is dear to me.”

(Bhagavad Gita 12.18–19)

Step within Compassion

At its core, compassion is the capacity to

1) recognize the suffering of others and

2) respond with kindness and care.

Simple enough, it seems, until you take it inward. You see, compassion isn’t only about what we offer outwardly — it’s also a powerful inward shift, one that can transform our own pain and expectations into clarity, grace, and peace.

Personal Reflection: Shifting from Disappointment to Grace

Over the past several weeks, I have been in the presence of compassion multiple times. The word, the concept, and the experience are all closely showing up for me time and again. First, I experienced disappointment as people I trusted and felt comfortable with didn’t show up for me in ways I had hoped. As I focused on what they did or didn’t do; what they said or didn’t say, I felt disappointed. I even asked for compassion as I shared my sufferings; I received criticism. Naturally, it felt like a disappointment in them.

This idea of compassion kept tugging on my heart strings, though, and so I was pulled to look deeper. I began to realize my pain was rooted in my own expectations. It became clear that I had created a silent contract of what I believed should happen — how I wanted them to behave. I wanted to receive compassion as in the first part of the definition: I wanted them to recognize my suffering and to respond with kindness and care.

They didn’t.

In that realization, I experienced a shift: it was inward.

First, I felt kindly toward myself – the self that had hoped, longed, and then hurt. And then I felt a welling in my heart that I recognized as compassion, and it expanded. Almost spontaneously I found that I could embrace those people in my heart without judgment – simply embrace them. The absence of judgment was the result of compassion and seeing that they didn’t know and weren’t able. This felt pure.

This practice in compassion isn’t about fixing others — it’s about creating space within ourselves. When I turned toward compassion, my inner noise quieted. And to my surprise, I no longer hurt; I was no longer disappointed. My suffering subsided.

When we choose compassion, we aren’t simply being "nice." We are reclaiming our inner clarity, dignity, and peace. We are no longer bound by others’ behavior. We are free to love — and to let go — with open hearts and unshakable inner calm.

Compassion sets us free. Not just from others; it sets us free from ourselves.

The Bridge to Divine Grace

Why Cultivate Compassion?

• Because compassion frees us from the bondage of unmet expectations.

• Because compassion doesn’t ask us to pretend we’re not hurt — it asks us to love even through the hurt.

• Because compassion is the bridge between human imperfection and divine grace.