For days, I’ve been sitting like a zombie in my chair. Mouth agape, eyes glazed, staring into space, I ponder … NOTHING.
This NOTHING isn’t like the blissful gliding over the waves of my breath in meditation that take me on a journey into outer space where I blend into eternal infinity, NO. This NOTHING is truly NOTHING. And for the first time in my life, I wonder if the atheists are right – that death s the end, and then there is NOTHING.
And then I sneeze, sending jagged shards of pain into every bone. I realize this isn’t death; I am alive, and this is Covid. And as quickly as that, I feel the chair reabsorb my body, and my mouth fall agape, my eyes moist with fog. And again, I ponder… NOTHING.
I hear a low, rolling thunder, the sound I imagine elephants hear that rumbles under the earth. They speak to each other this way, communicating even miles and miles apart. I will myself to hear the wisdom that awaits me in the subtle resound. Surly my elephant sisters are speaking of hope!
And then I realize that I am moaning with each pitiful exhale. There is no profound message, no wisdom, no hope; there is only NOTHING. And again, I ponder… NOTHING .
And then, suddenly, like the presence of a Crocus rising from a blanket of snow, curiosity rises from the rumble. I find myself pondering… SOMETHING! Pondering this experience, pondering my chair, pondering the quality of my breath, what to eat, what day it might be, what things I might do on this day!
As I shower, I wash the zombie down the drain. As I dress, I look at my empty chair and decide to open the blinds in the room. The sun makes rainbows in my eyes.
I’m ready now to ride the waves of my breath that will take me on a blissful journey into eternal infinity! And I promise to return by tomorrow.
The Lesson I Learned from My Experience with Covid:
“The body is innately intelligent” (LightYear® Leadership) and it’s my job to trust that intelligence.